Life of Laz

Hey you, I'm so thankful to God that He put you into my life. Although it may seem random, we both know it was Gods plan. Even though we may not know what lies ahead, I'm encouraged by the thought that He wanted me to learn and Grow by getting to know u & spending time w/ you. Your heart for God inspires me to strive to know Him more. God's given you so many awesome blessings such as your smile! Thank you for sharing your blessings with me. Know that whatever happens, I will always have you in my heart.
Love always,
Regnar Axet
"As iron sharpens iron."

The first time I saw you, my heart fell. The second time I saw you, my heart fell. The third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart has fallen.

You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body that you haven't grown into, the way you walk, smile, laugh, the way your cheeks drop when you're mad or upset, the way you drag your feet when you're tired. Every single thing about you is beautiful.

When I see you the World stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The World just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you.

When you're gone, the World starts again, and I don't like it as much. I can live in it, but I don't like it. I just walk around and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It's the best fucking thing I've ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful Girl, is why I stare at you.

Lie In Our Graves

very stoked

5 weeks and counting

Semester is coming to an end and I feel alright. This whole semester was very chill. Gave myself a lot of time to think and time to do whatever I want, and time to think about doing whatever I want. My weeks seemed to be very full according to my calendar but the things on my calendar were things that I chose to do. I wanted to do. So that made it alright.

I think it's pretty exciting to see the end of your college career. At times, part of me wants to stay in college and parts cant wait to get out. I hope I make this last year of mine count. Take part in all the opportunities that universities offer to students and at the same time, still have the freedom to stop whatever I am doing and choose to do something else.

I'm thinking about marching drumcorps again next summer...  Sometimes I really miss that activity. like a lot. Next summer would be my ageout year (last year I can march because I will be 21). The first and only time I marched was when I was 15. So long ago, yet remember it so vividly.

I am reading A Million Little Pieces (James Frey) right now, and I am only about a third of the way done, but I already recommend it to everyone. It's very heart-wrenching.

It's time to decide my next steps... my next direction, next path...
not worried about it because I already know it will be great...

Here we go

I havnt seen the sunrise in a while.... it is nice

A lot of stuff has happened... Where did I run off to?

I wanna go back to India.
I wanna go back to friends.
I wanna go back to love.

It is late again, I am behind again, and I have the feeling of not caring again.
Why am I here? at North Texas? In this world? The world is SO big, shouldn't I be somewhere else? or at least exploring?

I have tried to form my daily life to things that I enjoy doing and this is what I got so far...
UNT Baseball team, UNT Percussion Ensembles(Afrocuban, Brazilian, African, South Indian), Ultimate Frisbee at least 2 times a week, Concerts at least once a week, what else?
The only "real" class I have is a 3 hour Spanish class on Tues/Thurs, everything else is ensembles and online classes.

Even still, sometimes I just don't want to be here. I dont want to be committed to all of this. I don't want these responsibilities. I want the freedom to just get up and go. That freedom that you feel when you drive aimlessly, just passing time, wasting gas, not having something to do in your agenda, but just time to kill and you choose to do it driving.

Part of me is the same, part of me is different... some of me wants to change, some of me doesn't. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't.

God, where did I run off to?

Where's the wave of change?

I sure am ready for it.

Let's do something special...

digging deep